The 5 Stages

Denial.

Anger.

Bargaining.

Depression.

Acceptance.

These five stages that I never thought I would go through so soon again in my life. Myself, a psychology major, I can tell everyone else around me how to deal with grief. I can tell them how they're supposed to take care of themselves. I can help them heal. But I can't help myself. Like they say 能醫不能自醫, so very true.

I know I have to grieve. I know I have to go through those stages. But I don't even know if I've started or where I'm at. I know I'm forcing myself to postpone it. And I know it's very unhealthy for me. But humans are hypocrites. They do the opposite of what they say. I can tell people "don't worry, I know what I'm doing." But do I really? I do yet I don't. I can feel it within myself how I'm suppressing it. And in the end, I know sooner or later my mind and body will reach its limit.

I'm trying, I really am. But I just can't help to do what I'm doing.......