唔再追求係唔係等於放棄?
放棄係唔係等於再無希望?
再無希望係唔係已經完了?

Unexpected.

Life is full of unexpected events. One day you could be really happy cause you've had a good day at work or at school. Then the next day, you aren't in the world anymore. But its the unexpected events that remind us we're alive. Its the events that remind us we should live life with no regrets. Its these events that remind us that life itself is very fragile. These events are the things that remind us we should fight with our lives to live the life that WE want to live.

Unexpected events are unexpected. That's why we should fight everyday and live life to the fullest.

Stephen, although I'm not down in San Diego by your side, but I'm there in spirit. Wake up soon, everyone is waiting for you. To hang out, to chill, just to be around you. Best wishes, Amy.

Spring Time = Down Time?

Lately, I haven't been my usual self. Less energy, antisocial, withdrawn, etc. Maybe this is me, and the other me that's usually high in energy, social, open is someone else. I don't even know anymore. Facebook, the social network that helps us keep in touch with friends that not in the same city. Sometimes when I see friend who are back in San Diego with new photos, wall comments and what not, I envy them. I feel that after being away I don't belong there anymore. My clique is up here now. But even so, I haven't really found my clique either. I feel lost. Drifting around, not knowing where my destination is and how long it will take me to get there.

I feel like its getting harder for me to strip away the mask I wear during the day so I can be who I really am at night. Thinking about it, last year around exactly the same time it is now, I was feeling depressed, lost, out of place like I am now. Is spring time my down time? It seems to me that I tend to work on opposite cycles of everyone else.

Funny how bad memories tend to pop up more often and quicker than good memories do. Sometimes I wish my life was more interesting, though I'm sure others can argue with me saying how my life is already interesting. But to me it doesn't seem to be. Sometimes I wish I had times people envy me for, and maybe they do. And sometimes I wish I wasn't the only person who puts effort into trying to keep a friendship going by keeping updated with everyone else's life. I envy all my friends who are still in SoCal and they always hang out. It seems that after coming up to NorCal....I've been forgotten. And I don't seem to exist until I show up in front of their face. Though there are a few exceptions, but others don't seem to care much.

Lost in the dark sea, where no one seems to see me.
No light shining anywhere around, not even a dim one.
How much longer do I have to stay at sea?

Down

I'm suddenly feeling down once again. Sometimes I wish a lot of my posts weren't so depressing. But the only for that is cause I don't have anyone to share things with, hence why the posts are usually depressing. I don't even know why I'm feeling down. But I do wish for someone to care for me. It seems like I only belong when I'm wanted. But even so, it seems I'm only around to be useful. They try to include me in whatever they're joking with, but if it doesn't fit, then it just doesn't fit. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I just wish there was someone there for me where I can just call them up anytime and know that they'll be there for me. Just hearing their voice would make me feel better.

But there isn't anyone like that in my life. There's a wall up that I don't seem to be conscious of until I think about it. When will this wall be climbed again? Is there really someone who will be willing to climb it? I really hope so, otherwise one day the wall will be blown up and nothing will exist anymore.