Losing Balance

It's been awhile since I made a blog post. And that's because I've been pretty busy. I haven't even kept updated with my Chinese blog that I have to write for class. Oh well.

But I've been losing my balance in life. I'm a full time student, taking 21 units this quarter (5 classes), working a part-time job, and involved with a club and some events of other clubs. Busy right? The whole point of trying to make myself to so busy was to not let myself have time to feel/think about things that I don't have in life right now. But it isn't working. In fact, its doing the opposite of what I wanted to do and all this work is taking a toll on me now.

I read some of my old posts before I decided to blog. And I'm seeing patterns. There always seem to be a period where I wonder if my existence really matters in this world. Now I feel that I've reached the stage of wanting emotional attachment and emotional belonging and I wouldn't give a care to what anyone feels/thinks and what not.

I've always known that I would most probably place love ahead of anything else. 重色輕友, something I say to my friends that I wouldn't do, but I know in the end that I will. I try my best to please everyone, but I guess in the end it doesn't seem to matter because in the end whatever I did, its taken for granted by almost everyone.

Like they say, "nice guys finish last." And I guess that applys not to just guys.