I thought I let it go...but I guess I haven't.
If I did, they I wouldn't be feeling what I'm feeling right now.

Jealousy.

What am I jealous about? I don't actually know....but I know that if I'm jealous, that shows that I haven't let her go yet. But I assume since it's cause I can never be with her.....I only can hope for the next best thing, which is being her closest friend. But it seems that I can never be that now....and I'm probably jealous that I'm not the one she's closest with.

Why can't I just stop feeling all together so I don't have to bother with all this?

Spring break is coming soon. I really think I need. Get away from school, away from her. Yeah, there's a chance she might be going to San Diego for spring break. But even a few days away and thoughts about her not being around will hopefully make me feel better. I think at Davis since I could just bike to her dorm and be there in less than 5 minutes makes everything different. Also due to the fact that we have a class together doesn't make it any better.

But next school year we'll be seeing each other every single day. How will that make it better? It might not make it better, but at least I know it won't make things work.

On a side note....whenever I'm down, it seems that no matter how down nor depressed I am, somehow, someway.... I still seem to be able to put on a mask. Living like this is stressful.

Life is stressful and complicated.