我用別人的快樂來掩藏我的傷悲。
現在可能是一件好事﹐
但是我知道長久來說是一件壞事。
如果還有甚麼會勾起我悲傷的事﹐
一定會令我感到不能說的痛。

I didn't know I could do it.
I didn't tell myself to do it.
But I guess my subconscious did.

I haven't really talked or contacted her for almost a week. Even on Tuesday when we had class together. I had my bag on the seat to my right because I was saving it. For who, no one in particular really, just whoever came and wanted to sit there. Then Heki came to class that day. She saw me and so she chose to sit in the same row, except she sat in the seat next to my bag, which was an edge seat. I realized that, then I picked up my bag and removed it from the seat to indicate that it wasn't taken. But she didn't move. And I didn't really care. Normally seeing her I would somehow always manage to talk and talk, but this time around, I didn't. I just went on and kept doing sudoku. Even after I finished, I didn't talk to her. Instead, I took a nap. ( It was a boring lecture, what do you expect?) And to top that, I even purposely left 5 minutes earlier than when class ended. My excuse to myself was because I needed to get a seat in my next class. But in the back of my head I know it was because I didn't want to talk to her for some reason. Before I made that decision, I even debated in my head whether or not to stay until class ended and have a quick chat, but I guess my heart felt otherwise.

Normally on Thursdays I would hang around her dorm between the time of 4:30 - 5:00pm because my 4:30 is close by and my 5:10 class is right across from her dorm building. Yet this Thursday I didn't. My excuse this time was purposely leaving my math book in my own dorm room and going back for it before going to my 5:10 class.

From the beginning I didn't want to play the avoiding game, but I guess now I am. I guess it is true that you never know what will happen in the future, not even your own actions.

Rebuilding my soul.