There is no doubt that I want to be in a relationship right now. Reasons why? I'm uncertain but there are probably a few factors: Some probably include: the longing of having someone to lean on; longing of having someone that I feel comfortable with physically and mentally; longing to feel that I have an important place in someone's heart; and the longing to just love and feel complete.

Heki might have just been an easy target for me because of the concerns she gave me. Her offer to sleep on the same bed with her just made everything...different. I'm not the type that can just sleep with any of my friends, especially with those whom don't know one of my biggest secrets in life. It makes me feel that I'm somehow "taking advantage" when we sleep on the same bed, even though I'm not. I don't know how they would think of me after. But its not just sleeping on the same bed factor that attracts me to her. Its probably because she came into my life at the time where I feel incomplete.

I am going to set a goal for myself this week.
Goal: Do not take the initiative to MSN, call (phone), or see Heki this whole week (unless its in the classes we have together).
I know I said I would not pursue or suppress my feelings for Heki, but that does not me I would be able to stop thinking about her nor stop contacting her. I believe that if I don't take the initiative to contact her in anyway, my feelings and thoughts of her would slowly subside.

Will it work? I have no clue.

On a sidenote.....
Heki asked me if I wanted to live with her next year. Though she asked it as a general question to a few of us, I felt lost. I wouldn't know how to answer her question if she asked one on one. If she asked me a month ago, I would have probably said "sure, why not?" straight up. But now, I have to take into concern my feelings for her. I don't want to agree to it when I know I have feelings for her. But if I don't agree now, then I most likely might not have anyone to live with next year. What would happen if I agree now and then couple of weeks later, she somehow finds out that I have/had feelings for her? How would she react? All the possible questions that could come up......but no hints on what the answers will be.