Let it flow...

時間經已證明係唔會發生。
不會發生既事永遠係唔會發生所以唔雖要在阨自己。

Time has already shown that it will never happen.
What will never happen won't ever happen and there is no need to lie to myself anymore that it could happen.

And the story goes....

I thank Tricia for being a really good friend. She let me borrow her charm necklace. This charm necklace has the power of answering yes or no questions.

It was winter break and I went back to San Diego. So I thought I could use this time to wash away my feelings for Heki. It worked, really it was starting to work. Then Tricia informed me that she found this charm necklace while back in Hawaii. After we got back to Davis, she let me borrow and use it. I'm really grateful for that.

Basically my main question was 'Does Heki like me?' Unexpectingly, the charm necklace answered yes. So I asked it a few more times, and it was the same answer. As days go by, each night I would go to Tricia's place and borrow the necklace and keep asking it questions, mostly concerning Heki and my love life.

Wednesday came along. Tuesday night I asked if I would see Heki on Wednesday, and the answer was a no. So throughout the day I wasn't expecting and seeing Heki. Then, I see her. This started proving the answers on the necklace were incorrect. Feelings and thoughts were running through my mind that I couldn't comprehend anymore. So it was back to the necklace again. But what didn't happen that night wasn't important.

Thursday, the day our Chemistry Placement Exam scores comes out. Tuesday night I remember asking the necklace questions concerning how Heki would do on it and if she would stay in Davis for this weekend. Answers were: Heki would not pass the placement exam and that she would stay in Davis for the weekend.

But it proved to be wrong once again. Heki passed the placement exam and should be going home this weekend.

Even before all this happened, I was overwhelmed with all the answers I was getting to my questions. So I asked myself, "真的會發生嗎?" And told myself, "就讓時間告訴我們。"

And proved to be true now, if some things aren't meant to be, then they will never be. We can always lie to ourselves and find comfort in answers we want to hear. But reality will always be reality.

After this event, not that I won't use Tricia's necklace anymore (I still will, most likely), I can finally let my curiosity rest. I had thoughts about if there will ever be a "we" with Heki and I. And can/will Heki and I be together? But now I know the answers. Whether or not we will be isn't important anymore. What is meant to be will be. What isn't meant to be won't be. Now I can fully let go of my feelings for her.

By "letting go" I mean by just letting things flow. My feelings....I won't suppress them nor will I pursue them. I will just let them be. But I won't deny that at this moment I still do like her, more than just a friend. But will I later?

順其自然吧~